I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
