Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
