Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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