My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
