You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
