you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
