Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize