So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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