then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I enjoy the company of your penis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
