i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
