A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
