dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
