i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
