Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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