i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
