dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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