she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
