Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
