what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
