the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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