If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
