He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
