well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
