please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
