Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
