Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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