i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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