Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
