I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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