her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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