i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
