i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
