Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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