We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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