So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
