i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
