There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
