whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
