Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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