Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My bed smells like the plague
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
