You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
