Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
