So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
