just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
