He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
