Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
