I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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