I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
