Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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