Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
