guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
love makes seman taste better
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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