I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My vagina is very pro this idea
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
