Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
