Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
