i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
