you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
