FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
