The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
